Be Kind and Contribute to the World
Think about the people who have been the most important and influential mentors in your life and career. For anyone who trained in pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine or Texas Children’s Hospital, one of the names that surely pops to mind is Dr. Ralph Feigin.
Dr. Feigin wasn’t just the physician-in-chief at Texas Children’s Hospital or the author of the premier pediatric infectious disease textbook. He was our leader. In residency, we would have “Feigin Rounds,” where we would present to him a challenging case from the hospital to see if he could come up with a diagnosis. He almost always could.
Dr. Feigin died in 2008. At his funeral, his son delivered the eulogy and told all of us something that has stayed with me for 12 years now. This man, who had written textbooks and led hundreds of residents into their pediatric careers, had two goals for his own three children:
Be kind.
Contribute to the world.
Now, if you knew Dr. Feigin, the fact that these were his goals for his children would not surprise you. He was a man who knew all the complexities of the human body but also knew the names of my children, the career of my husband, and how to treat my puppy’s hookworms.
I was beginning my parenting life as Dr. Feigin was leaving this world. He left an enormous legacy, but those two parenting goals have stayed with me as much as or more than anything else he taught me.
What are your goals for your children? As you become a parent and work to provide the best for your child, what do you want for him or her to become?
It is easy to get distracted as you bring up this little person. From the time my children were born, I thought they were the most wonderful, smart, sweet, and beautiful people in the world. My daily goals were feeding them, growing them, loving them, leading them toward excellence.
But as time went by, new goals popped up, like finding the best daycare and then preschool for them. How much time do we invest looking into and applying for just the right school for our children? Has it crossed your mind that you want your child to be in a certain peer group, and have you worked to make that happen? Do you want your child on this particular sports team? Or in this class with that teacher? Certainly I have at times, and make no mistake that my children felt the pressure of my “goals” for them. But these are short-term goals.
Dr. Feigin’s goals are goals for a lifetime, and when I start to lose focus, I come back to his simple but powerful goals. First, be kind. It doesn’t matter if your child is the smartest person in her top-notch school if she is a jerk no one wants to be around. It doesn’t matter if your son is the fastest one on his team if no one likes him and he’s not a team player.
Being kind means noticing that the person behind you has tripped and fallen, and stopping to help him up even if it means you lose the race. Being kind means noticing the child crying alone in the classroom and asking if there’s any way you can make her feel better. Or taking up for a friend when the rest of the group says something hurtful to him.
The second goal is to contribute to the world. Somehow, some way, find your calling and contribute. Get up in the morning and do your job. I was appalled the first time I heard one of my children, as children will do, speak of a job in a degrading way. I’ve heard other children do it, too, and I’ve heard it from parents. “Study hard or you’ll work in fast food.” “Make A’s or you’ll be a garbage man.”
I believe there is no job that, done in good faith and not meant to harm or exploit anyone, cannot be done with integrity. We all learned in Houston how much we appreciate our garbage collectors when our city flooded and services were stopped. And who among us doesn’t partake in a fast food meal on occasion?
My harsh reaction to my kids when I heard them degrade good, hard work years ago put a stop to their comments. I hope they appreciate that someone getting up and going to work to provide for his or her family is contributing to the world. And I hope my children will do the same. Find your way, kids, as circuitous a path as it may be, and contribute to the world.
So thank you, Dr. Feigin. For teaching me about pediatric diseases. For leading with the example that every voice and every person matters. For teaching me the efficiency of never letting a piece of paper cross your desk twice before you deal with it. And for burning in my mind two goals for my children. May they be kind. And may they contribute to the world.
The advice and opinions herein are by no means meant to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Please contact your personal physician, mental health provider or health care professional for medical advice.