COVID

I have been thinking and re-thinking about starting a parenting blog. About giving parenting advice to my patients as a pediatrician who on some days feels like I have no idea what I myself am doing as a parent. About how I have never met a parent who felt like they truly had it together, despite how confidently they present themselves to the world. I had a few entries written, and I put them away. They sat in my hard drive for months, taking up space.  

And then COVID hit us. Spring Break trips were cancelled. Little leagues were shut down. Prom never happened. Dance shows and band concerts and track meets fizzled out. 

Work-from-home became the new norm for those who are able to work from home. Kids went back to school online, with class video conferences and digital assignments becoming the new norm. 

So here we all are, stuck in the house together, but for the bike rides and dog walks. Who knows how long this will last? 

And just like that, parenting became easier and harder all at once. So I decided why not start this blog now so we can all muddle through it together?

In today’s social media climate, you can find people who are rocking their pandemic parenting life, full of extra projects for their kids’ learning adventures. You can also find people who shrug it off and tell the school they cannot handle online learning in addition to everything else they have on their plates. We are all doing the best we can. 

Most of us are what I call “idling high” right now, like a car in park with the accelerator pushed to 7 or 8 RPMs. I usually idle high when anxiety is flaring, or I have a big job coming up, or an impending trauma or conflict. Idling high is caused by a rush of adrenaline, the fight-or-flight hormone, which causes increased heart rate, faster breathing, and a feeling of overall nervousness. 

It is an amazingly helpful hormone when you need to run faster than you ever have because a tiger is chasing you. It is less helpful when you are idling high at baseline, when there is no tiger around and you’re sitting in Zoom meetings in between your infant’s or toddler’s naps. 

This week I received a letter from an 8-year-old patient that brought my idle back down to a normal rate:

“Dr. Schlegel,

Thank you for helping us get through this hard time in life. You may be risking your life to help other people. I am very proud of you. And I miss seeing you. I hope you are doing well. I also hope you are not afraid.

Good luck,

Amelia”

I think Amelia put into words how we’re all feeling. We appreciate those that are helping us through the hard times and risking their lives. We are sad for those who have lost loved ones. And we hope each other is doing well. We miss our families and friends. And we hope the people we love and support are not afraid. 

I got Amelia’s letter and it made me think of Amelia and her mother hitting pause in their quarantine life to send me that note. It made me smile and find a moment’s peace. And I thought maybe I can put my thoughts out there like Amelia did. And maybe it’ll give someone else a moment’s peace. 

In the quiet moments between the chaos, check in with yourself and the people in your life to make sure they are doing well. Help your kids identify and put words to what they are feeling. And forgive yourself for the days you aren’t that great of a parent or worker or spouse or friend. Tomorrow is a new day. 

The advice and opinions herein are by no means meant to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Please contact your personal physician, mental health provider or health care professional for medical advice.